Positive Sarcasm Presents: "New Rules for Congress"

In order to sever the connection between the free market economy and the US political system, these introductory regulations are to be enforced so that the overall benefactor of all polices put in place further the status of the governed populous and not solely the elected official. The separation of capitalism from the elected branches of government is pivotal in deterring corruption and not allowing ones own financial interest to steer away from the interests of the people they swore an oath to serve.

1: Zero stock trading. All wall street based assets must be sold or transferred to another party before taking office. If stocks transferred to another party, they may not be transferred back nor will any dividends received. No one in political office may trade stocks in any capacity. Immediate family members may not be in conflict of or either engage in trading based off pending policy. An elected official will be awarded an introductory retirement portfolio that will be based off the US major indexes as part of your retirement fund and cannot be accessed in any capacity until 3-5 years after you last held office or two years if you are over the age of 80. Any violation of this rule will result in forfeiture of all index holdings, loss of pension, federal health insurance, federal security details and forfeits the ability to run for future office. Depending on severity of violation may also include fines and possible jail time.

2: Cannot have corporate connections that conflict with your political aspirations. (See Cheney, Halliburton) This rules prohibits implementation of policy that benefits elected official’s past, present or future holdings in a company or position within a company. Evidence of such violation will result in an immediate independent investigation and penalties of prohibited actions including vacating office will result.

3: No corporate donations. Person may not receive corporate donations for services performed in any capacity, such as guest speeches, appearances, etc. This rule includes from the time of announcing a campaign to run for office. After leaving office, a congressman will receive a pension based on time in office, level of office and a performance review of time spent in office by the population in which it governed. The performance review will be surveyed and submitted for approval after 60 days of which office has been vacated. Pension and health will be made available immediately upon leaving office and stock portfolio will be made available 3-5 years after. Any corporate donations will result automatic forfeiture of pension and health insurance. If violation is made within 3-5 years, stock portfolio will also be forfeited. All forfeiture of funds are returned to the population in which was governed in full, this also includes future pension payouts and average value of health insurance pension. If an immediate family member is found to have accepted corporate or politically affiliated donations during time in office, member will be ordered to return donation in full to it’s origin no later than 60 days or all applicable penalties stated above will be enforced. If immediate family member accepts corporate or politically affiliated donations and transfers said donation to person who has left office and is receiving a federal pension, member will be ordered to return donation in full to it’s origin no later than 60 days or all applicable penalties stated above will be enforced. If the member is campaigning for another branch of office, then all pensions and services, except healthcare and security detail will be postponed until the campaigning has either completed or additional terms in office have been completed. All applicable rules stated above still apply.

4: (The SuperPAC Rule)No single donations over $10,000. No donor may contribute more than once per term. Rule is also applicable for donations per organization. Candidate may self fund with no restrictions, but nothing other than the funds received may not be from suspected donors above the $10,000 limit. If funds received are over the mininum amount or amount of times donated, then any balance exceeding $10,000 must be refunded within 30 days. Any failure to comply will result in forfeiture of candicacy. If after taking office, you found in violation of this rule, then forfeiture of office proceedings will commence.

5: Any violation of these rules will result in loss of all federal privileges security detail, including secret service.

Without these regulations, the smearing of the line between politics and the economy will continue, allowing for corporate and political corruption to run amok at the expense of the American people.