Positive Sarcasm Presents: RAW THOUGHTS FROM A STRAIGHT CISGENDERED NEOMASCULINE CAUCASION ALPHA MALE

Did you just assume my gender?

You should, cus I'm a dude, not a fuckin calculus question. Confusion starts with the over-complication of how to be identified as a human deemed healthy and sane enough to walk this planet. When the Titanic was sinking, did the deck hands yell out “women, children, non-binaries and gender fluids first!” How are you going to fill out forms at the DMV? A drivers license is meant to be wallet sized, not a goddamn mission statement that you carry around in a plaque like an idiot.

You wanna be a dude? All the power to ya. Just remember the male penis, for all it's glory, is a huge liability. With it comes sexual harassment, rape allegations, child support, foreskin chaeffing (unless your Jewish) and a type of insecurity that can't be solved as easily as women can by simply shoving Jello inside their tits. Females can turn A-Cups into perky cupcakes with a few grand and a couple days of PTO. Men, we just pray at a young age that our dads are packing rocket launchers, otherwise we get beat up in high school cus we aren't developing as quickly as Johnny Steroids who plays fullback on the football team. Go Wildcats!

Lets get real, a true transgender makes the full transition after lots of research, therapy, soul searching and multiple procedures over a long period of time. They receive hormone therapy, plastic surgery, bone shaving, not to mention your mushy bits get a bit of a makeover. This is a lot of money, time off from work, and scraping through your health insurance policy. Those people made the decision and the complete transition from one gender to another. I congratulate them and wish them a healthy journey in their new body and mindset. It's beautiful to see people like that feeling free for the first time in their life. Whats important to note tho is that they are very much productive members of society and when they fill out a job application, they can easily choose between male or female. Welcome to the team Frank! I mean Francesca. However if you fill out your job application as a Genderqueer femme, your interviewers may see you as someone who may not be a team player and will go looking for conflict in the office as soon as you're given security clearance to the building. You are now a liability to the organization and will be overlooked during the hiring process. Without a team effort, a group cannot move forward to whatever goals they set out to achieve. This is what lawyers thrive on, conflict. Anyway they can insert their services and slow down the process in order to suck more money out of the system to pad their own pockets, they will exploit.

Insert the Alpha...

In every team, you have an Alpha. They can be straight or gay, male or female, doesn't matter, but there's always an Alpha. They work hard, they're smart, strong in many different ways, they get what they want and have a dominant personality. They also keep the group together, focused, paid, fed, safe and they also give everyone in the group a chance to step up and play a part. If you cause a problem in the group, the alpha will smack you inline, for the betterment of the group, because if the group gets divided due to weak links, participation trophies will not be handed out by the opposing group. Being divided can cost you your job, your family, your home, your freedom, your life. I'm not going to put my ass on the line, because Gender Fluid Jacob's feelings were hurt. Trigger warnings are a sign of weakness and Alphas can actually smell that weakness and exploit it, because the opposing group can smell it too. That's competition. That's life. No other way around it.

Let's break this down even further. Not everyone gets what they want right away, if at all. This is taught or should be taught at a young age from a structured but supportive family system. Whether its a mom & dad or two moms, there is a support system there. If you lose a game or fail a test, you don't get a medal just for showing up, if that were the case, Ferris Bueller would have been attempting the miracle landing on the Hudson River instead of Tom Hanks, I mean Sully.

This bullshit Soccer parent mentality is starting to stifle the competitive spirit of today's youth and will cripple their growth as a responsible and mature adult, cus they'll believe they should be rewarded every time they show up to play and when they lose or get scored on, they throw a hissy fit, stomp off the field or in some cases, shove the opponent. Sound familiar?

“It's okay Tommy, you did your best. We don't keep score in this league anyway.”

Tommy's a little bitch, fuck Tommy.

You need to step your game up son and put in a little more effort, cus losing isn't fun unless your playing Twister at a nudist colony...well that could go either way...and so could the players for that matter.

Anyways, back to Tommy.

Tommy never loses a game, always get a juice box and a medal at the end of the season, goes to high school, has the same wardrobe as Caillou, gets so uncomfortable when someone argues his point in class, that he yells “hate speech” and retreats to his safe space, then by the time Tommy is 21 and is attending some overpriced university, he joins in on a protest and throws a rock through a Starbucks window; which knocks a patron unconscious. Security tapes record the incident and now Tommy is charged with Vandalism, Disorderly Conduct, Assault with a deadly weapon and is later sued for medical bills.

...Bye Tommy.

What's the real reason of this Gender Pronoun issue that's gaining steam in Canada and making its way into the US through the college system? Superiority. The fact that someone could correct your pronunciation of them is simply to make you look foolish in order to gain power over you. It's a form of control. Its sounds silly, but on a grand scale it's actually quite dangerous, cus it generally stems from someone who has emotional or mental problems...like Tommy. It's championed by douche-bags like Kaitlyn Jenner whose partial transition into a women overshadowed the fact that this idiot got away with that massive car wreck in California which ended the life of an innocent women. Look at the environment this person lives in, surrounded by self-absorbed fame whores and some megalomaniac named Kanye West. So let's see, you had plastic surgery, changed your name, were given woman of the year, called yourself a “Traditionalist” on the Ellen Degeneres show...and you still have a dick. You sir, are a dick. You promote laziness. You are crazier than the last Kate that was on reality TV and that one had eight kids. Whats tougher to live with, eight children or six Kardashians?

You feel like putting on a dress and dancing around to Kylie Minogue in your bedroom, that's your business. However, if you plan on telling me to call you by your preferred pronoun, I'll call you a fuckin idiot and consider throwing sand in your face. Just another day in the life of a straight, cisgendered, neomasculin, caucasian, alpha male. I mean white dude.